


Adult Misery

by sleepymccoy



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Discussions of sex, Jim and Spock play chess, the cute fools, theres hints of each element of mcspirk purely cos these guys always flirt in the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 15:43:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8167271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepymccoy/pseuds/sleepymccoy
Summary: Bones is worried about his daughter and goes to Jim and Spock to talk it over. They end up swapping stories of their first sexual experience. Also, I have a fairly rudimentary knowledge of chess, so there's not much detail but I think what I threw down in this fic is about accurate.





	

“Enter,” Jim called, looking up from the chessboard to watch the door. He half-heartedly moved his bishop up a level, hoping it'd at least throw Spock off the scent of his clumsily laid out trap.

 

Bones entered the room and looked around in a nervous panic. “You ok, Bones?” Jim asked as Spock ignored them and studied the board.

 

“Ah… yeah?” Bones squeaked out. 

 

Jim glanced at Spock, who looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. Jim shrugged. Spock turned slowly to study Bones instead, who was still standing nervously by the door.

 

“Doctor?” Spock asked mildly, encouraging Bones to continue. He still hadn't made his move. 

 

Bones rolled his shoulders then crossed his arms. “Being silly is all,” he said gruffly. “Can I join you?” he asked, nodding his chin towards their game, aware the two occasionally enjoyed their time alone together. 

 

Spock looked back at Jim and blinked his agreement. “Yeah, of course!” Jim called to Bones. While Bones made his way over Jim leant back and hooked a spare chair over to the table for him to sit on.

 

“Your pawn doesn't look so hot,” Bones commented to Spock as he sat. 

 

Spock followed his finger to the pawn in question. “It is pinning Jim's rook and is protected from his knight by my queen,” he said smugly.

 

Boned rolled his eyes “Can't stand this damn game,” he muttered. He leant down onto his forearms and forlornly watched Spock make his move.

 

The game continued as such for some time, Bones’ sad presence ignored as Jim and Spock waited for him to admit his problem in his own time. Jim's earlier bluff with the bishop seemed to be paying off as Spock focused on the wrong area of the board entirely as Jim subtly, feigning casualness, set up his final attack.

 

Bones sighed. “So, ah…” he trailed off.

 

Jim looked at him kindly and smiled. Bones grimaced and sat up. “Just got off the Comm. with Jo.”

 

“How is she?” Spock asked politely.

 

“Good.” Bones swallowed. “She has a boyfriend.”

 

Jim frowned, doing the maths in his head. “Isn't she eleven?”

 

“Twelve.”

 

“Huh”

 

“She's too damned young!” Bones said through his teeth.

 

Jim fought back a smile. “Is this what's bothering you?” he asked seriously.

 

“Is it not enough?” Bones asked with pointed anger.

 

“She is merely attempting to imitate a successful romantic relationship, she is hardly in danger,” Spock said

 

“What if the punk tries something?” Bones hissed.

 

“Such as what?” Spock asked, returning his focus to the chess board and moving a pawn. Jim mouthed the word  _ punk _ in amusement.

 

Bones spluttered for a moment before Jim took pity. “Sex, Spock,” Jim said shortly.

 

“Now, Captain? You startle me,” Spock murmured easily, watching Jim's bishop like it had a personal grudge. Jim grinned and rolled his eyes, quickly taking Spock's pawn -the one Bones had pointed out when he arrived - with his knight, enjoying the look of confusion and mild anger that appeared in Spock’s eyebrows as he realised Jim had sacrificed his knight for merely a pawn.

 

Bones finally got past his outrage and found his voice. “Jim!” he whispered furiously, “How can you laugh about…” he trailed off uselessly.

 

“Bones,” Jim said as Spock's hand stuttered,undecided, on its way to his queen. “I’ve met Jo. She's got her mothers matter of factness and your fiery spirit. She can take care of herself.”

 

Bones stared at Jim, his eyes going wide. Ignoring the emotional moment in the room, Spock took Jim's knight, consternation still on his face.

 

Bones breathed in slowly. “She's twelve, Jim, no one can take care of themselves when they're twelve.”

 

“Jo can. And if she can't, Jocelyn won't let anything happen to her. She loves Jo as much as you do, you know that.” Jim put his hand on Bones’ knee as Bones let out a deep sigh. Barely glancing at the board, Jim moved his remaining bishop (the first having been snatched by Spock early in the game) down a level and took Spock's queen.

 

Bones looked, shocked, at Spock's queen in Jim's hand. Spock was quietly outraged and leant in to the board, studying the pieces afresh. 

 

Jim smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, Spock.”

 

“You have not won yet, Captain,” Spock muttered, still glaring at the board.

 

“No?” Jim asked. He pointed at his rook, which hadn't moved since he'd castled his king in the formative moves of the game. Spock looked at it confused for a moment, then, suddenly, his eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly. 

 

“How…” Spock trailed off, his eyes darting around the board. Jim was fully prepped to checkmate him and, remarkably, Spock hadn't noticed.

 

Spock, after a minute of heavy silence, moved his king closer to his knight. Jim, very politely, did not chuckle at his useless attempt. Two swift moves later Jim had Spock in check.

 

Spock glared at the board again. He sighed and moved his king uselessly to the side. 

 

“Enough of your dumbass game!” Bones yelled, making Jim jump - he'd gotten distracted and Bones’ presence had slipped his mind. “Could we discuss the fact that my girl has prematurely begun her descent into adult misery?” 

 

“That's a bit harsh, Bones,” Jim said.

 

“Is it?” Bones asked, slightly manic. “Are you happy, Jim? In your life?”

 

Jim rolled his head to either side, considering the question. “Well…”

 

“Spock?” Bones interrupted Jim. “Are you happy?”

 

Spock looked at him, annoyance clear on his face. “I am Vulcan,” he said. 

 

“See!” Bones waved his arm angrily in Spock's direction while glaring at Jim. “Fucking misery!”

 

“Jocelyn knows she's dating someone?” Jim asked, choosing to disregard Bones’ outburst. Bones nodded sadly. “Then it's ok,” Jim said.

 

Bones nodded again. “Maybe,” he sighed. “But if some fucker hurts her, I will gladly mutiny and take this ship to Earth to let them know just how not on that is!”

 

Jim raised his eyebrow at that. Spock smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Doctor, if your daughter is upset I will assist you  _ up to _ the point of mutiny,” he said.

 

Bones was quite taken aback by Spock's nearly unprecedented kindness. “Ah, thanks,” he said, a crooked smile gracing his face. “I'd hardly ever ask mutiny of you, don't worry,” he muttered, glancing at his shoes. He began to blush. He looked at Jim for a moment before darting his eyes away. “I wouldn't - I wouldn't  _ mutiny _ …”

 

Jim laughed. “I know you wouldn't, Bones, don't worry.” He clapped Bones on his back comfortingly. Bones swayed with the force of Jim's hand a let out a quiet chuckle. “Besides, in that situation you wouldn't need to. My ship is at your daughter's disposal,” Jim said, smiling. Jim caught Spock's disapproving look at his blase comment and mouthed  _ no it's not _ while Bones ducked his head, his blush strengthening. 

 

Spock smirked at Jim. “Captain, if you would please finish the game?” he asked, interrupting the brief silence.

 

“Apologies, Mr. Spock,” Jim said. Spock's king was already trapped by his rook, so Jim simply moved his queen into position and said, “Checkmate.”

 

Spock nodded serenely, having already taken the time to identify where he went wrong. “That was quite the educational experience, Captain,” Spock said as he began to pack up. 

 

“Well, we wouldn't want you to get too comfortable, would we?” Jim said, letting Spock pack. Victor’s privilege was to not pack up. Jim found himself watching Spock pack up quite often.

 

Spock glanced pointedly at Bones, whose blush was beginning to calm down, but still had teary eyes. “That is hardly likely, sir,” Spock said with defeat in his voice. 

 

“When was your first sexual encounter, Jim?” Bones asked suddenly. 

 

In the beat of flabbergasted silence that followed Spock raised an eyebrow at being proved right so entirely and walked quickly away to put the 3D chess piece in it's place. 

 

“Bones, you know when I lost my virginity. Aside from the fact that we got drunk once and swapped stories, it's in my medical file!” 

 

“No, not sex, first sexual experience.” Bones leant forward, resting his chin on his hand. “I think I was thirteen,” he muttered. 

 

“Thirteen? You were a kid! You should've been doing kid stuff!” Jim said in mild outrage. 

 

“We used to swap sandwiches at lunch, cos I hated grain bread and she hated carrots. Then one afternoon we snuck out of PE early and went off to the hay bales a few farms over.” Bones began to sound quite dreamy, reminiscing of the past.

 

“Hay bales? Classy,” Jim said sarcastically. Spock sat back down with them, schooling his face to not react to this topic.

 

Bones glared at him dismissively. “Everyone went to the hay bales. That's where you went to get your dick wet.”

 

Spock sniffed in surprise. Jim let out a short laugh. “Have you, by any chance, been drinking?” Jim asked.

 

Bones glanced between them, assessing their surprised expressions. “Ah, sorry, yeah. Had a glass after chatting with Jo and came ‘round here when it didn't help.”

 

“It would make things easier if you came to us first,” Spock said, looking at Bones seriously. 

 

Bones shrugged. “Don't wanna be unduly inconvenient,” he muttered.

 

“You're not an inconvenience, Bones,” Jim said in exasperation. Jim saw Bones roll his eyes and softly rested his hand on Bones’ arm, leaning in seriously. “You're not,” he muttered.

 

Bones glared at him for a moment. His gaze softened then he shook his head, as if clearing his thoughts. “Alright, that's enough, “ he said gruffly. Jim took the cue and backed off.

 

They fell silent for a moment. Jim smiled at Spock, amused by Bones’ tale. Spock didn't respond. Before long the silence got to Jim and he decided to fill it.

 

“I was a few weeks off eighteen,” Jim said, “A friend of mine invited me around for a weekend and her cousin was staying. Her cousin was already eighteen and had been around the block a few times, which they made pretty clear the first night I was there. The next morning Gareb, the cousin, came and apologised for going on about it, they'd seen that I was kind of uncomfortable. Gareb was an Andorians, so they invited me out for a human coffee, and essentially I spent the weekend dating them, it was pretty lovely. We didn't do anything sexual til the last night before they left, and even then they didn't push it.”

 

Bones smiled at him. “Did you see them again?” he asked.

 

“Nah,” Jim shook his head, “They went off to Andoria and I went to Starfleet not long after. I've no idea what they're up to. What about you, did you see your girl again?”

 

Bones laughed. “Well, we proceeded to go to school together for six years. She was one of Jocelyn’s bridesmaids at my wedding, actually.”

 

Jim grinned. “Only you,” he said fondly.

 

Bones smiled at them and stood up. “Who's for a drink?” he asked. 

 

Jim hummed his agreement and Bones wandered off to get them some bourbon. When he got back to the table he had fallen back into his concerns regarding Joanna and her new boyfriend. 

 

He sat down glumly and passed Jim his glass, watching the cylinder of ice in his. Jim and Spock were probably quite correct about Joanna being well cared for and strong enough to take care of herself. And this was probably nothing like a real relationship, she'd only just started high school and was doing what she thought adults did with no frame of reference. It could be dangerous, but Jocelyn was actually quite a competent mother. 

 

Bones smiled sadly at Jim, interrupting his silent, worried exchange with Spock.

 

“Bones, you really don't need to worry,” Jim said.

 

Bones smiled again and nodded, not wanting to harp on the issue. 

 

“I was fifteen, in Earth years,” Spock said suddenly. Bones looked over at him, confused. Spock simply raised an eyebrow and continued. “A class of students from Earth arrived on a lengthy trip, they were visiting a collection of planets near Earth, namely Vulcan, Andoria and Denobula. One of them, Raju, was kind to me. We shared sexual intercourse.”

 

Spock decided to look at Jim, because while he had gone slightly slack jawed, at least he wasn't grinning like Bones.

 

“How'd you go from kind to fucking?” Bones asked.

 

“I was unaccustomed to kindness from my peers, so logically I appreciated his company. We spent a great deal of time together, it was a natural progression,” Spock said mildly.

 

Bones’ grin widened. “You old dog,” he said joyfully.

 

Spock raised both eyebrows, simultaneously showing his lack of comprehension and mild offense. Jim let out a high pitched giggle at their faces, which made Bones crack and start laughing. Spock watched Bones smugly, glad to have had a positive effect.

 

When Bones caught his breath he started asking Spock, with a malicious glee, if he'd slept with many other species. Jim sat back and watched happily while Bones listed some obscure cross species sexually transmitted diseases and Spock picked apart some of the inaccurate exaggerations Bones was employed as part of his scare tactic. 

  
Jim didn't let them check their references when they disagreed in his quarters, so when he kicked them out thirty minutes later he wasn't surprised to hear Bones inviting Spock over to find out if the first human xeno surgeon had operated on an Orion or a Denobulan first. Those two could argue all night, and while he may end up with a tired and grumpy CMO and a slightly snappish First Officer, at least Bones wouldn't be lying awake thinking about the worst case scenario for his daughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, this is the fic I mentioned on tumblr where I wanted people's ideas for how Spock lost his virginity. He seemed the kind to go all out on his first go, unlike Jim and Bones who kinda built up to having full sex. If you're gonna do it, might as well commit.


End file.
